Doom Patrol #111 (1967)
by Arnold Drake & Bruno Premiani
cover by Bob Brown
The Doom Patrol has fought the Brotherhood of Evil a lot lately, so let’s change things up with aliens! Followed by the Brotherhood of Evil, because to be honest the series is running on fumes.
We begin with Chief offering the services of Negative Man to the scientific community, in order to identify the source of some radio signals.
Scenes like this make me think that the Doom Patrol would benefit from being separate from the rest of the DC Universe, since space travel is incredibly common there.
It’s sad to notice that Earth orbit being overcrowded with junk was already a problem in 1967, and it’s only gotten worse since then.
He manages to discover that the signal is coming from an alien ship that will arrive within a day.
That is indeed an incredibly slow ship. Let’s do some math on this.
Based on Negative Man’s initial pitch, the spaceship should be about 5 million miles from Earth.
Since it will need 20 hours to arrive, it’s traveling at 250,000 miles per hour.
Even being EXTREMELY generous and considering the closest star, Proxima Centauri, which is at 4.37 light years from Earth.
If the ship is from Proxima Centauri, the closest possible star, it would need 11,723 years to make the journey!!!
(I had to calculate in Imperial units for this. I feel dirty.)
And yet, once an incredibly well-drawn robot wakes up the crew…
…we discover that the plan was conceived 1,200 years ago!
This only can mean one of two things:
1) he’s off by a factor of ten, at best, and doing the calculation was completely pointless
2) the ship has slowed down recently, and doing the calculation was completely pointless
Why do aliens always want Earth? I live there, it’s not THAT great!
This is why I appreciate more stories where we get SOME explanation for why they want Earth specifically.
Garguax has been feeling homesick lately, keeping himself entertained listening to Alien Radio.
Also, it genuinely upset me that The Brain’s jar doesn’t completely keep his brain submerged.
I feel like “You have the emotional system of a spider” is a terrific insult, but I’m not sure if it’s being used correctly here.
Beast Boy has been officially adopted by Elasti-Girl and Mento now.
And we’re not off to a great father-son relationship here, considering Mento starts by saying he didn’t even want this interaction and then just boasts about his dumb-looking helmet.
Who can blame Beast Boy for not wanting that helmet? Sure telekinesis is cool and all, but A) he already has powers of his own, and B) it looks like crap.
If Mento had said “why couldn’t we have adopted a nice kid”, I wouldn’t have criticized him.
Well okay, I might have criticized him A LITTLE, but just for comedic effect.
But the fact that he wishes for a “SUB-NORMAL” kid… man do I pray that in 1967 this wouldn’t have sounded as horrible as it sounds today.
Elasti-Girl is called to a Doom Patrol mission, and Mento shows the exact level of maturity you’d expect from him.
Also: you’re CONSTANTLY belittling her team AND calling them freaks AND trying to convince her to leave them… and NOW you want to be considered part of the team???
The Doom Patrol intercepts the alien conqueror, and they have decided to go with one of the most insane plans I’ve ever covered on this site.
WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.
I absolutely must stress that THIS WAS “PLAN A” FOR THEM.
They SPECIFICALLY came up with this without even meeting the alien first.
I’ve been doing this for almost five years. I have reviewed well over a thousand comics.
And yet sometimes I can still come across stuff that leaves me COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS.
This is why you do your research BEFORE you leave for a 11,723 year trip!!!
And that’s seriously how the alien invasion would end (!!!) if Garguax didn’t decide to spoil it.
So we’re off to a big dumb fight.
Cut short by Elasti-Girl sabotaging the alien’s teleportation technology.
But Garguax tells him to repair it, and they both leave.
Turns out that these guys are from Garguax’s planet. In fact, the guy who was almost tricked into believing Earth is populated by superintelligent babies is his boss… which considering it’s Garguax, sounds legit.
The alien plan involves an incredible Premiani ship…
…which can be used to REMOVE OCEANS.
The machine never comes into play in the rest of the story.
And then a gorilla rings the doorbell. Which only in comics is not the weirdest moment of the story.
And we close with the revelation that the Brotherhood of Evil is here to get the Doom Patrol’s help.
The backup feature will be reviewed separately.
Doom Patrol #112 (1967)
by Arnold Drake & Bruno Premiani
Appreciate that Monsieur Mallah bothered to put on a shirt for the cover.
Understandably, the Doom Patrol isn’t too keen on working with the Brotherhood.
As you might have expected, the reason for the alliance is that the alien invaders pose a threat to the Brotherhood as well.
We are really doubling down on the idea that Madame Rouge is in love with Chief.
All she did up to this point was ask him if he was fine after Robotman accidentally knocked him around!!!
Mento insists that Elasti-Girl leaves because, as I might have pointed out once or twice, he’s just. The. Worst.
I was worried for a moment that Beast Boy was being warped to like him, but he’s being sarcastic here right?
Madame Rouge’s non-relationship with Chief is going great.
The Brain reveals that the alien plan:
1) destroy the Earth
2) somehow destroy Earth’s solar system
3) destroy half of their own solar system
4) ???
5) victory!
If that was the plan all along, why did it matter whether Earth was populated by supersmart giants?
We’re now in the Brotherhood headquarters, so the Doom Patrol has to hide when the alien leader gets back. He still hasn’t learned what doors are.
(I should probably get around to reviewing that story one of these days)
The Doom Patrol managed to stay hidden for less than two pages, although Robotman finds a way to avoid revealing the others.
The big bad of our epic storyline, ladies and gentlemen.
We could end things here, but unfortunately the alien manages to teleport to safety.
We interrupt this alien invasion to narrate the secret origin of Madame Rouge.
Because the Chief slipped some sleeping pills and truth serum (???) into her drink.
He couldn’t have found a creepier way to interrogate her if he tried!!!
Turns out that she as a famous French actress… although not famous enough for anyone in the US to recognize her… until she had an accident.
Yep, that’s the secret origin of our supervillain. A car accident made her super-bipolar.
But thankfully, a doctor has found a way to cure schizophrenia. Which isn’t even what she’s supposed to be suffering from, but okay.
Can we trust Doctor Ape here?
Hmm, I’m not a doctor, but maybe I should check if this is realistic.
(before you ask: yes that’s fake)
We have news about the alien plan!
So I have to issue a correction:
1) blow up a uranium mine to push Earth into the Sun
2) somehow destroy Earth’s solar system
3) somehow destroy half of their solar system
4) ???
5) victory!
Once again: our main villain, folks!
In fact, his underlings are more dangerous than him!
I’m not counting this as Robotman being damaged, by the way, since we don’t see him after this panel. He could be fine.
Just how underwhelming is this villain that required an alliance between the Doom Patrol and their worst enemies?
He’s defeated by Mento.
MENTO.
And by Beast Boy finding the “atomic detonator” that was supposed to blow up the uranium mine.
Now they can safely dismantle the nuclear bomb.
Or we could set it up and irradiate a whole mountain.
It’s commendable for Chief to decide he’s going to find a way to cure Madame Rouge, but why not at least TRY to prevent the Brotherhood from escaping???
Historical significance: 8/10
This two-parter is the last appearance of Garguax in the classic run. We’ll discuss his fate in the follow-up after it ends. But it’s also the origin of Madame Rouge, who will play a surprisingly large role in the rest of the series.
Silver Age-ness
Part 1: 9/10
Part 2: 10/10
Does it stand the test of time? 3/10
Oh boy. This is all over the place.
In theory, we have an alien invasion that forces the Doom Patrol to ally themselves with the Brotherhood of Evil against a larger threat. That’s a fantastic premise!
But said “larger threat” is incredibly disappointing. The motivations behind the aliens are vague and unclear, they lack any charisma, and worst of all they’re not threatening in the slightest.
Huge loss of opportunity here.
Times Robotman has been damaged: 20
Issues when Robotman is never damaged: 18
Interesting letters: I have to agree with legendarily prolific letter writer Irene Vartanoff. Even if the series has lost most of its edge lately, the characters are still noticeably more three-dimensional than many of their DC contemporaries.
How exactly are you telling that Elasti-Girl is not wearing makeup? Even with Premiani’s level of detail, it’s not THAT detailed of an art style.
